How is it
possible to be so utterly confused about something so obvious? I can see what I
want, but I can't all at once. I want too much. I feel like I am living in my
very own version of 'dawson's creek' (*gag*). No one knows what the others are
thinking, and some don't even know there is a problem. Why do I want to end
something I love so much? I am changing so fast and ridding my self of waste and
meaninglessness. And though I find meaning I find meaning in something where
there is more when there is less (I am not going to explain that take it for
what you want).
I am living moment to moment, and I can't decide whether I like it or not, or even if I am or not. Why am I running away from my old self, while I am returning to it also. My mind is cluttered, and I find myself longing for the past and wanting it to be different also. But am I being hasty? Am I making decisions too quickly? It's getting harder and harder to find meaning in something's while easier with others. Things are just too strange.