You know what everyone? FUCK YOURSELVES! If someone want to know something about me or whatever, you ask me. Going through other people creates the stupid gossipy problems that I hate. so hey, Talk to me. As for a certain someone, you know the reason that things turned out the way they did. I told you straight out. And I tried so hard to get you to open up. I am not mad at you, I am not afraid of you. I really just wanted to be friends with you. But like I have said so many times, I am not the beginning and end of the world, I am just a lowly human being. I am scum and so are you. I don't care what anyone is thinking when they read this!! Think whatever you want I know what I mean, my thoughts are here for you to read, that is it. if you have a problem, fucking well ask me about it, then I will decide if I want to reply. ok? I have had one of the oddest weeks of my life recently - but strangely, things have turned out well. It is the weeks to come that frighten me. But I know in time things will turn out the way I want them, or at least a little better than they are now.
I am only interested in the positive now. But the negative always spill over, slowly I am learning to accept that. But, I am still depressed over things, I am not shutting them out and I am able to be happy. I can breathe and function, and feel everything right now. I am proud of myself. I have taken a step.
In other news I wanted to talk about the pride parade. I took Gwen with me, and we had a blast! Very colourful, so much happiness, but it was good, and genuine. No one seemed fake.....I loved it. Gwen and I got hit on, so we decided to carry on holding hands, and it was fine. no funny looks what so ever. There was intense freedom there, no one seemed, afraid. If it wasn't for the fact that I had to stay with my step-brother (who's breast count was over 70, unlike my little bro, who always seemed to come up with an uneven number) then raven and I would have marched with the queer pagans. I am going to next year for sure, and I am going to bring Gwen along, because I can tell she had tons of fun.
It's a major ego boost when a) a chick hits on you (cause girls have higher standards...hehe) and b) when a bi(?)/straight(?)/gay(?) Goth, checks you out. and c) a guy in him mid 20's will not stop staring at you on a bus. all in the space of 2 days. I just haven't felt.....ugly, for a week or two. I again feel a little prouder of myself and who I am. I love all my friends. I am Kelly, I am amazing sometimes.
I am accepting my surroundings, the transitions I am facing. I am accepting me. It doesn't mean I like any of it, it means I accept it, I know it there and it's not going away until I either do something about it, or wait it out. I am going to plaster my space on the wall of my room with images and words the emote some emotion in me. Things that make me feel. I am not going to forget the way I feel/felt about people, it happened and I am going to love that it did for one reason or another.
I want to talk to people from skool, call me guys, e-mail me firstname.lastname@example.org I want to hear from everyone, even if we know our paths may never cross again, I am always there for a chat, I am here to help, I love you. You are what makes the world go round, it's beauty and it's ugliness. It's all a part of one giant ball of stuff that we call earth.
I know I make no sense to you, but I do to me right now so, shudd-upa.