This is from quite a while ago, and I have sorted through this. I DO NOT FEEL THIS WAY ANYMORE! I am posting it only because I am not going to deny how I did feel.
I am in science now, pondering the point in knowing this stupid shit.. I hate life and I don't want to breathe. Everyone is fake, everyone lies, nobody loves me, no body cares about me I'm not the only one that wants me dead, it is everyone else too. I know you don't like me, you know nothing about me. I am stupid and I hate everything that comes from me. I am a total fuck-up, Everyone tells me that. I am ugly, I am insignificant, I am a waste of air, I think I am going to cry, hating every tear that falls down my cheek. Fatigue is taking over, I wish I could sleep forever, even in my cold bed I feel better than when I am exposed to all those judgmental people. Everyone knows I am crazy, but perhaps I am the only sane one. I don't know anymore, I think I ever did know though. When I think of how ignorant I am, I feel sick to my stomach. Fuck the world and fuck you all. I am just a waste, no one is here to help me. I don't know where I am going, I will probably be stuck in this shit hole forever. I am such a coward, may be that is why I want the easy way out. But something always stops me , and I really don't know what. All I can hope is that I find out what that is soon so I can hang on to it for dear life. I don't want help from my friends, some of them pawned their problems on me and I could never to that to anyone else. It is so horrible and no one should have to deal with other peoples depression, only their own. I just wish there was someone there to make sure that I don't give in, because nothing really matters to me right now. everyone is a bastard, there are no real bonds. It is all just mindless fucking, you are all whores. There is no real point in life, so what is the point in living? gossip fills my brain, I don't care about any of it, but I always end up involved in it. No body wants me for who I am, no one see past the physical, but I guess that I am guilty of all that at times too.